On Tuesday, December 3rd, 2019, Deb, my midwife, put the handheld ultrasound into her white coat pocket and placed her hand on mine. “I don’t think this is a healthy pregnancy, sweetie.” There had been trouble finding both my two older children’s heartbeats their eight week appointments, so there was probably nothing to worry about. But, then again I though, between thirteen to sixteen weeks there shouldn’t be a problem. “I’ll see if our ultrasound technician can squeeze you in.” Deb slipped out of the white room and came back a few minutes later to escort me to the ultrasound room. It didn’t take long for her to locate my baby, and I smiled as I saw his or her little form. She pushed it down and used every possible angle and feature, but the answer was still no. My baby who had stopped growing at about eight weeks and a day.